Oh hey, Hannah Montana....and Full-grown Family Man

Hey, there - it's been awhile. So much for blogging about crazy things over the summer in Thailand. But as I continue my data analysis, I'll update my blog. I actually ended up studying experiences with polygamy in Hmong culture. In the mean time, I have a few things on my mind...that kind of make my blood boil.

It all started with the VMAs...which I did not watch, but the media always explodes after things like the Miley incident occur.



Oh, hey Hannah Montana. It's been awhile.

 

But let's not talk about Miley and the whole slut-shaming issue. You've already heard it all, I'm sure. I want to talk about Robin Thicke. Actually, it's not so much about him as it is about our wild sex-driven media. While everyone was bashing Miley, did anyone even really notice Robin Thicke and his lyrics? I'm not saying that Miley is an innocent victim - in truth, I kind of pity her as an insecure celebrity who perpetuates the degradation of both sexes. I honestly do believe that behind any such behavior by males or females is insecurity and the denial of self-respect. The VMA performances reflected this in looping from one song to the next about using people as sexual objects.

Have you flipping heard Robin Thicke's lyrics?

And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl

I know you want it
You're a good girl
Can't let it get past me
You're far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me

If you look closer into the complete lyrics and watch the video (which I do not advise - I saw the edited version, and it was one of the raunchiest things I've ever seen), you'll pick up that this song is basically about using coersion to get women to have sex with you. I don't mean to blow it out of proportion, but it's basically about date rape - or at least, it contains a lot of those sentiments. Basically, a man can tell when a woman wants to have sex based on her behavior and can go ahead and get it even if she doesn't necessarily comply - because obviously, based on her clothing and behavior, she's asking for it.

The women in the video are wearing white or nude colored underwear - and sometimes, it's only on the bottom. At other times, their breasts are almost in full view, barely covered by their arms. Their mid-sections are covered in plastic a lot of the time. I'm not sure if there's some kind of implication to that that I'm unaware of, but to me, it made them seem like plastic dolls  being chased around by perv-y men. The men often just stand there and watch the women dance around or shake their butts - either that or they chase them around. Sometimes, the girls act as a prop for a toy car to roll around on. For some reason, the part that bothered me the most is when Thicke blows smoke into the face of the blonde women, and she flinches in discomfort. The women are there to serve the men alcohol and light up their cigarettes. While the men chase the girls around and admire or slap their body parts, they talk about a few concepts a little too explicit to put in a public post - basically about how his size will cause discomfort. And that's in the edited version. I don't even want to think about what's in the unrated version.

I am so disgusted. So incredibly disgusted at what has become popular in our culture. At how not only women, but men, are painted as sex objects and toys. At how obsessed as a culture we've become with sexual gratification and how it almost completely constitutes our media and Internet world. I don't want to have a whole stereotypical feminist hissy fit about media, but I'm getting close.

The media blows up about a Disney-star-gone-slut, and the grown man gets a free pass. Also, it's pretty ridiculous how obsessed we are with all this VMA stuff and celebrity this and that with things of far greater importance going on in the world. I bet any average Joe or Jane could answer random trivia about Miley Cyrus or The Bachelor or who's having sex with who or whatever. But could they give a summary of what's going on in Syria right now? Here's a cool blog post touching more on some of these points.

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/08/28/dear-son-dont-let-robin-thicke-be-a-lesson-to-you/

 

Within a week after the VMAs, I started seeing pictures on the web of "family guy" Robin Thicke, playing at the beach with his wife and kid after having just grinded with a 20-year-old nearly naked girl in front of the whole world while he sang his song about date rape.

 

Here's a powerful example of the effects of such patterns of destructive thinking demonstrated in this song and so many other forms of media in today's world. Maybe next time, the words "I know you want it" will make listeners think twice. (Warning: some of the quotes will be disturbingly explicit to some viewers.)

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/27-survivors-of-sexual-assault-quoting-the-people-who-attack

At times, people ask me why I care so much about gender issues. Sometimes, I even forget why I care about it because people tell me, "what's the big deal? Sexism doesn't really exist anymore." And I have a hard time forming my argument on the spot because the way they're putting it, well - things are great. Women work, apparently more women are in college than men, women vote, women are in politics, blah, blah, blah. And according to them, I'm just finding a place to put the blame for my gendered insecurities. Yes, I do believe this is one of the best countries in the world for women to live in, and I believe that things for women have gotten remarkably better within the last century. But I think we use that as an excuse to say that there aren't problems with sexism anymore. That is a downright full-of-crap myth. Sexism exists both ways, and I see it getting worse and worse - mostly in areas like sex in media. And not only sexism, but effects of the perception of gendered issues that often leads to perpetuating behavior. And that's why I care. Because girls and boys often grow up without the resources and knowledge necessary not to be part of the sexist system. Because I starved myself for five years since I didn't understand how to value myself as a human and thought nobody could love me if I had curves and an imperfect face. Because I've watched other women suffer in the same way, and it's far too common. Because I've seen the devastating effects of sexual abuse and rape. Because I've seen firsthand how our culture degrades the sacred responsibilities of males and females. Because I've seen men and women completely fall apart from the pressures placed on them by society.

And for a few words of advice about not falling into the sexist system. And it is difficult, especially in this day and age, not to. I don't feel that I need to reiterate what messages the media sends to boys, girls, women, and men. You see and hear it every day. Rather, I would appeal to you not to take part in it.

• Don't promote it, privately or publicly. Like, here's a good idea. Don't listen to songs that promote date rape. Can you hear my sarcasm? It's such a "duh" statement, but how often do we really take the time to know what kind of media we're ingesting and supporting? And, in effect, passing on to our children?
• Don't take an active role in sexual objectification or degradation. The industry that turns out women as sex objects is...well..largely made up of women as well as men. I see the women in charge just as responsible as the men. Models, actors, magazine editors, writers, script writers, directors, fashion designers, and so many more occupations. None of these occupations are inherantly bad, obviously. But holy cow, they have immense power for either good or bad. In any occupation, do not take part in promoting or designing sexual objectification. Because in doing so, you're only perpetuating the problems that hundreds of thousands of people are trying to stamp out.
• Most importantly (because let's face it - these problems will never be stamped out completely) do not fall victim to the sexist system. You can choose not to. And by this, I don't mean that you can choose not to get raped or anything. Most of us have already been victims of some kind. But don't fall victim to it. Choose to eat healthfully and take care of your body because God has lent you this body, and because you deserve to be healthy. Choose to turn off media that makes you feel inadequate or that makes you think of others in a degrading manner. Choose to seek help if you have been violated in any way - don't let events of the past determine your self-worth or potential. Choose to overcome obstacles and rise above whatever has happened to you - because once you've done this, you can do anything and become anyone you want. You have complete control over who you become, and you might just need a little help along the way. And that is perfectly okay. Choose to dress in a way that encourages you to respect yourself and others. (And by respecting others, I mean that what we dress like really does shape our behavior and attitudes toward other people - just think about it for a minute.) If you feel doubts about wearing it, toss it. Choose not to listen to that voice in your head telling you that you are fat, ugly, not good enough, or not worth anyone's love.

As President Dalton reminded us in April 2013 General Conference:

 

"Whate'er thou art, act well thy part."

 

Read the talk here at: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/we-are-daughters-of-our-heavenly-father?lang=eng

You are of royal heritage - sons and daughters of a Heavenly King. So believe it and act like it. You owe it to yourself, to others, and most of all, to your Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

 

You'll notice from here on out, this advice will fit the pattern on this blog: taking personal responsibility to achieve your greatest potential. Yes, bad things happen to innocent and unsuspecting people - a lot, these days. But my future career path focuses on giving men and women the resources they need to take control of their own lives after having been devastated by gendered issues. You, and only you, are the author of your future.